Our boy came home for Thanksgiving. It was so pleasing to see him. He’s lost that ill-formed look that teenagers tend to have, and he looks and behaves like an adult. Young, but still an adult, and an extremely pleasant and entertaining adult.
After he left, Rick and I talked about how, although we both love our parents, we don’t want to hang around with them. I’m not sure why that is. We have plenty in common with them, and on the whole they don’t bug us or treat us as though we’re 11. And we do enjoy visits with them.
Now Willie has that same point of view. It’s very clear that he loves us dearly, but he’d rather be with his friends. This Thanksgiving he wanted to stay in Chicago to have the big dinner with friends from school. Because we’d already bought the ticket and planned for his trip, we said we’d rather he come home. He did, and it was good. But soon he’ll have vacations where he stays in Chicago, or goes somewhere else. Later he’ll live somewhere else.
We are fine, functioning people without having our child around all the time, and we have a very good child-free life together, but it does make us sad and nostalgic for the times he has needed us to be his parents. Most likely he’ll continue to need us from time to time, but not in the same way as a child at home does.
Parents have to grow up as their children do.
I am very happy about what a good person he turned into. For people who only got one shot at raising a child, I think we lucked out.
That wasn’t luck, dear sister. That was concentration, and effort, and thoughtfulness, and love, with a bit of grace for you all thrown in. He is a lovely person, and he’s had the very best teachers and role models.
Sometimes you have to stay away to realize what you have or might be missing at home. My mom INSISTED on our presence for holidays but I opted to have T-day with my friends. My friends drifted away early (probably to their own families) and when I called my parents house to see if anyone was still there, the phone seemed to ring forever. There was much laughing and general merryment at the other end of the line, they could barely hear me…. I raced right over for leftovers and realized that I had missed out on some fun that day. I rarely missed a gathering after that. I want my kids to feel free to enjoy other events if they choose but it is not the same without them, that’s for sure. Even with multiples, you sorely miss the one(s) that are gone. Kathy
P.S.: Willie is a great kid!
I agree, it’s not luck. As someone who grew up with “your boy”, he lived in the coolest place, with some pretty cool parental units. And you should also consider that while only one child may be yours by blood, there are a few others who you’ve had an influence on. People who swam at your house, ate at your house, slept over at your house and got pancake lessons in the morning….
oh, yea. ME!
I don’t know very much about child rearing, but my guess is that your success had little to do with luck and lots to do with being wonderful people.